What the fuck does my nametag say?

I work at a day spa.

My name tag reads: Easily Amused, Local Day Spa

DEAR PUBLIC, I DO NOT FUCKING WORK FOR THE NEW RESTAURANT NEXT DOOR.

HEAR ME LOUD AND CLEAR:

1. NO, I do not know when the fuck they are opening.

2. NO, they are NOT open.

Oh, you see people in there?

THEY ARE TRAINING.

How do I know that?

I honestly said this today "Because I went and asked them after the first 10 people asked me today if they were open."

3. NO, I do not know what the fuck will be on their menu.

4. NO, I do not fucking know if they have a liquor license.

5. NO, I do not fucking care if the chain stores will lose business.

6. NO, I do not fucking know if their food will be good.

7. To the random ass man that walked in last week, NO, I do not know if it is an expensive franchise.
WHY DON'T YOU CALL THEIR 1-800-FRANCHISEME LINE ON THEIR FRONT DOOR YOU ASSHATE!!

8. To their construction foreman: IF YOU DARE HAMMER OR DRILL ON OUR SHARED WALL ONE MORE FUCKING TIME DURING MY BUSINESS HOURS I WILL DRILL HOLES RIGHT BACK TO YOU, YOU MOTHER F ASSHAT!!!!!

(Lease prohibits construction during neighboring store business hours, but this genius fuck thought since "we didn't look busy" it would be ok. You run your business and I will run mine! No one will declare if we are busy or not but me, and no you may not drill on my shared wall and piss my clients off!!! Seriously it was so loud, I had to walk outside to answer the phone.)

9. I THINK IT IS REALLY FUNNY TO WATCH PEOPLE TRY TO OPEN THEIR LOCKED DOOR!

10. Oh you wonder if they are open?
I ACTUALLY SAID: WELL, WHEN THEIR **OPEN** SIGN IS TURNED ON AND SHINING PRETTY COLORS, I AM CONFIDENT, AT THAT TIME, THEY WILL BE OPEN. BUT AS OF NOW, THEY ARE JUST TRAINING THEIR STAFF.
Oh, do you have a menu?
MY INNER THOUGHTS: WTF!!! GET THE FUCK OUT! NOW!!

JFC people.