Ardvarks eat ants... did you know that?

Random, non angry post, but none the less funny.

I imagine my mother is where I get my book smarts from, and lack of common sense.

"Ardvarks eat ants" has become a family inside joke that I'd like to share with you.

A couple years ago my parents wanted to take me out to dinner for doing well in college, earned a 4.0 for a couple semesters in a row. What a little pre-med gunner I was, so cute.

I wanted to go to a local italian place, casual, bad ass traditional sicilian food.

At the time, a very big local musical festival was taking place and not too far from the restaurant.

So while trying to find parking... this conversation transpired:

Me: wow parking is a major bitch tonight.

Dad: yea, we might have to pick another restaurant.

Mom: I think :insert big rock star: is playing at :local music fest:

Dad: Okay... thats great, ardvarks eat ants.

Me: **silence**

Mom: **silence**

Mom: I don't get it? Are you making fun of me for something?

Dad: Ardvarks eat ants.

Mom: WTF asshole I don't get it!

Dad: You made a statement so irrelevant to eating dinner & parking that I threw it back at you. And that was so obvious, everyone knows :big music star: is playing tonight.

Mom: exactly you moron! (I taught her asshat, that is now her choice profanity) that's why I made that remark when you said parking is terrible! I was trying to say that since :big music star: is damn near in walking distance, parking here IS going to be a bitch!

Me: well, why the hell didn't you just say that!!

Dad: yea! You sounded completely irrelevant.

Moral of the story, now whenever one of us says something stupid or have a "hello caption obvious moment we insert "ardvarks eat ants."

Speaking of Captain Obvious, my group has nicknamed a classmate that.

In our nursing fundamentals classes, this asshat made it well known that he was in the navy.

Well, quite apparently he wasn't a navy nurse b/c he is in fact now, in nursing school.

Later in the semester we learned that Capt. O was actually a deckhand of some sort and occasionally did CNA like activities. Or something to that affect. Something that totally devalued any "nursing" theory he wanted to preach about.

One of the first nursing skill we learned was proper application of surgical glove donning. Big task. (Ya, I know the importance of surgical technique but come on, this isn't brain surgery).

Yours truly had the pleasure of sitting in front of Capt. O for this experience. The asshat was the type that would anticipate what the teacher was about to say you know like..

Teacher: violets are red,

Asshat: ROSES ARE BLUE!

SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET THE PROFESSOR TALK YOU DIMWIT!!

Sooooo... my clinical mate & I were opening our glove kit and practicing

(mind you our seats where the old university style theatre seats that enable you to feel your neighbors heartbeat you're so close together).

Capt. O: *addressing entire class* about sterile technique tips he learned in the NAVY

Me: *to clinical mate* pretty hard huh?? (alert: sarcasm!)

Clinical mate: YEP!

Capt. O "omg ya'll in the NAVY we had to do this and this and yeah like surgical technique is sooo hard and important, I mean your sterile technique like ... "

(insert arvarks eat ants moment)

DUDE, OVER YOUR HEAD. I *INTENTIONALLY* (I know I'm an asshole) INSULTED YOU!

Poor bastard. I haven't seen him yet in level 2, don't think he made it.

Writer's note: I support our troops of all kinds, nothing against the Navy! My great grandfather served in the Navy and a cousin is an fallen Marine, Iraq.